of raisins and other crap.

"life is like a movie with a catchy soundtrack" - me on my sms to joanna

i'll never look at raisins the same way again.
i think i need a brainwash. anyone got bleach? or that "cif"-thingy they use for cleaning our desks in school?

whatever.

in my point of view, i am being ignored. or is it me who wanted to be ignored?
*thinks*...naaaah, that was a long time ago.
....but this doesn't mean i'm seeking for attention. oh no, i'm not stooping to that low a level.
...but seriously, i am being ignored. since monday i've been treated like someone invisible around a bunch of people...and i dunno why. am i missing anything? timelapse? whu-?

meh. probably this might be my cue to leave. but to where? another school? another country? another clique?

another school?:...yes, i've been considering on changing schools, and i'm thinking...somewhere where the school fees are not so expensive...you know, government-aided schools(not government-owned school)?

if anyone objects, please tell it now or forever hold your tongue...or whatever...in simpler terms, tell me if you object to this idea or not, or regret not doing it sooner or later.

another country?: i've also thought of going back to ph and study there...but some factors made me think about it again...but i have a back-up plan: i think i'll study at my mother's province at mindanao rather than going back to laguna. yes, the place is pretty much rural, but that doesn't mean it's uncivilised. you get fresh air...and you only smell smoke there either when someone's smoking or when someone cooking bbq....and the stuff there is cheaper than the country's capital area.

...and i might like the idea of studying at the same school as my cousins.
...and i wanna speak tagalog in school again. it feels weird to speak english all of a sudden, and i feel left out when people speak in a language that i don't understand which a bunch of people. i can simply just walk away or keep silent and show a forced smile, 'coz what else can i do? i'm just a pushover. (which is something i hate)
...and besides, school is funner there.

...and yes, i know some guys are already wanting me to leave. i can hear your thoughts from here...

another clique?:...no idea.

...okays, enough of that subject.

(*rebuttal round*...amanda, i know the posts trace back to you, but this doesn't mean i hate you or anything...i hope i don't make a flamewar...i positively don't want to give you another burden...i just thought about those stuff you said...it was running in my head.)
...i've been reading the tagboard. and amanda did post some thought over there...i mean, i posted it one time, but reading over it again made me think of some stuff...

(direct quoting over here)
"been reading well for now im not growing backwards..": ...okays. *awkward silence*
"and seriously im honest i just don't like ure chindishness its getting to me and stuufff"
:...okays, but can you tell me in what way? and yes, i know i'm childish and stuff. someone in pri6 told me when i was in pri6...but a lot of things does not make an immature person...but i'd like to see how you reply to my question.
"im getting more chidlish well.. im not sure wad u mean by that and on that outcasting thing..": i think you know what i mean...but for this, i won't explain for the sake of keeping the peace.
"well half the time you are busy with ure other stuff at home etc. well its hard to get u out and have a chat..":...yes, but half the time when i'm not so busy, you're the one with other stuff going on...and well...said chat couldn't be done. and msn-ing it would be awkward, in my case...i'm sorry if i don't have time with you guys...i try to have some time to be free of any work...it seems like i haven't adjusted to sg's way of life...but, well, your life is your life and my life is my life, what else can i do but to keep quiet?
"well thats all im kinda spamming(: anyways forgive me(:": don't worry, spamming my tagboard is the least of my worries...and i forgive you on that.

...now onto the blog.

"I don't really agree with you on the childish part":that's okay, different people have different opinions.
"I'm sorry if i hurt you're feelings or something":don't worry, i forgive u...i've had a lot of people who've hurt me worse before.
"But you must also understand sometimes there are things i feel like talking about...":...ok.
"*next part about the teacher and the test thing*":perhaps i take too much stuff seriously?
"...and what's you people's problem with the les thing if you can't accept it i'm really disappointed in you":...alright, alright...i might not be open-minded on such stuff, being raised up in a kind of "conservative" family...i try to be a bit more open-minded...but different people have different beliefs, what's disturbing for me might not be disturbing for you. like my view of choir and your view of choir, for example...if you're disappointed with me on such things...*resigns with a sigh*...i actually wanted to view this with a diplomatic way, but my diplomatic side has scuttled away somewhere.
"last year you used to be closer to joanna than me...i was never that close to you": true. i can't object to that...but i did try to be close to you, but perhaps we had different interests? *truth hits ppl like a million-elephant stampede*
"i mean i like you, but its hard to say some things": i understand.
"i mean you are more elite than me in many ways. like studies": shucks. i'm not that smart...i'm not that elite...a thousand more people are waaaaaay smarter than me...which is kinda the reason i try to humble myself and try to be content with passing. i don't want to be so air-headed, and i try to accept the fact when someone gets higher than me...but i'll pass out a joke on that person afterwards. lolz.
"and i was never a good leader. i just though i was good but i found out that i am not that great after all": oh yes you were...and i guess after much thought you still are... a measure of a leader's greatness is not based on popularity...i mean, you were some of the people who keep choir from chaos...even though you got scolding from ms lee...and even though you did somewhat change this year...but this does not change my respect towards you. i've always regarded and respected you as a good leader...and well...*blank head**no words to say*

[change topic, quick!]
maybe at school i'm all crazy and stuff...but i'm completely a different person when i think and when i blog...i dunno why. it's like me having different voices for different situations, call it multiple-personality disorder if you will...i like being alone and in silence...some say people go insane in these situations...but weirdly, it seems like it's where a lot of people and noisiness that i seem to be crazy...i dunno why. perhaps it is in silence where i speak a lot of words, 'coz right now, my thoughts are flowing to the keyboard like water flowing to a waterfall...i guess silence speaks a lot of words.

in unrelated news, i think i got tb...i've been coughing so much lately, with the sore throat and all, i perhaps overworked myself the past few days...or perhaps it's just bronchitis or tonsillitis or something...i wouldn't know yet.

...anyway, this is becoming too long a post, will post back sometime.

see ya,

mariel :P