>.> <.<

linked all the people for the tagboard, although i know some links haven't been updated yet.

beijing olympics' closing ceremony wasn't as awesome as the opening ceremony. you might say otherwise, i don't really care.

i guess they just rushed it through and paid more attention to the opening ceremony, i dunno. don't ask me, i am not one of the organizers.

i have a lot of work to do...
>finish a little sketch-thing for someone
>homework *faints*
>studyyyyyyy
>something for my desk...it seems so bare.
>err...most awesome class desk design competition?
>iron my uniform
>something, i forgot.

and i feel so stressed. i wonder how huy ever keeps up with the mess. i dunno, i think i am gonna die in this place by stress. i'm even guessing students face more stress than their parents. i dunno if it's fair, though, each has good sides to each story.

yesterday, in catechism class, there was this talk about the ten commandments, examining one's conscience (or something) and a bit about the beatitudes. afterwards we got scolding for causing a ruckus in the chapel...and amanda and i were late for warden duty due to a very long sermon about our attitude..then something about the upcoming youth rally, which lasts until around 10. i feel stressed by just this, but that's not my point.

i've been feeling self-hatred lately, and hints of...i dunno...*scrambles mind for word, but gives up*...something about giving up.
i dunno...i guess it's something about my marks and stuff. i haven't been paying much attention, and i see no motivation in school anymore.

heck, i don't really deserve that rite award. i'm more of an irresponsible, idiotic, loner...whatchamacallit. (this ain't my emo mood yet, i can go even more emo.)

i have no control over my emotions, i've let my temper out of control lately. i don't like how scary i look when i'm angry, how my eye twitches when i'm very furious and stuff...i don't like it...it makes me do things i'm not quite aware of and will try not to do if i'm pretty much in a good mood...plus my uncrontrollable mouth which starts saying vulgarities at random moments...it's more of a somehow-impulse-thingy...i dunno.

i guess i'm not ok. no, i'm not sick, but i just don't feel well.

*bonks head into wall*

they said self hatred is somehow killing my own spirit. i dunno anymore.

i need my crazy back. even though you've seen me crazy the past few days, that wasn't crazy-crazy, that was forced-crazy. just so you know.

even though craziness might mean me not thinking straight, 'coz all i've been thinking about is heading for another dead end.

anyway, ending this post.

oh yeah, expect another rant on people on my next post. things might just look a bit messy. so to clear my head, which is polluted with problems. *cough*

sayonara,
mariel -_-"