erm. yeah.

The post that's supposedly here isn't here, 'coz this one's also rushed.

whatever. i'm not feeling emo like last time, but i'm still quite, miserable. perhaps i'm just homesick.

err, wait, i am.

tonight btss' choir is out on a concert, this includes me...but, i'm not the most important person on this affair.

i somehow hate some of the leaders on choir, the only thing they do is to take attendance and take out the choir scores. and nag, even though they do the same thing also. i know they're not perfect and stuff, but...heck, i'm just confused.

there is also one person i hate the most in choir. i don't really understand why she hates me or tries to avoid me and the target of her naggings and stuff...i've been nice to her, ok? i can't remember a single day i've shown my hatred to her...although last year, i've been ignoring most of the juniors but that doesn't make much of a difference. have i intimidated her? perhaps only when i leave school, i will know.

[warning: offensive stuff below]
i dunno what's been going on with amanda lately. she seems rather cold to me...except perhaps when we're on the same bus...i think she's been ignoring me and stuff unless she's got something to ask me on schoolwork, i dunno.
i don't even think i'm in her "circle of friends", but that fact doesn't faze me that much. the only thing i'm worried about is if she hates me for, i dunno, getting some marks higher than her, or if she goes too emo she might, i dunno, i don't want to talk about it.

marks are just marks, it doesn't define how awesome your personality is. there might be a couple of people who's smart, but their personality are just plain despicable, there are others who are not so smart, but they're awesome to be with.
even if you don't succeed in school, you can even succeed in other stuff. i've heard of several successful people who haven't even finished school, and they have lots of money, but that doesn't mean you give up on it entirely.
and while i might sort-of hate huy for getting higher marks than me, the hatred's not so serious, we're friends, although i make fun of him most of the time, lol. (soyabean milk!)

the world doesn't revolve on anyone. except perhaps God, 'coz well, he created the world. you might feel ignored on that certain moment, but you don't really know how's it like to be ignored most of the time! you're not like me who struggles to stay in the group, fearing to be isolated...yes, the whole world knows now, i fear being isolated.

you've never felt what i felt duing those past few months, especially on the first few months of this school year. you can even check my diary on it. your feelings are nothing compared to mine, whcih i have been keeping since, i dunno, i was young, just to keep the people i love happy.
you never felt the hatred, the anger i felt, when someone robbed my house in philippines of those hard-earned stuff...you never felt what it's like being bullied by people just 'coz you looked chinese and fat in a school where there were rarely international students who came it.
lastly, you never felt how much stress i've been facing, just to keep my parents (and relatives) proud of me...i fear being shamed of and failing everything i worked so hard for.

you dunno what it's like to be like me. you might think your life's a nightmare. you think you're life's awful. you think you're being treated as invisible. wait 'til you see life in my shoes.

social reject? i've been one since secondary school began, and had been trying hard to get me out of it.
you can't really blame me for not going to those parties though. as much as i want to go, i can't. i don't want to disobey my parents, 'coz i know it's wrong (and also disobeying the commandments)...it's like telling your parents straight in the face that you hate them, and although sometimes i just hate them telling me what to do and what not to do, i can't be here where i am without them, i wouldn't be the person who strives hard to not only make them proud, but to strive hard for my goal: to be a professional doctor. or a scientist, i haven't made up my mind yet.

you can't make everything your way. nothing in life is fair, not even the rite awards ceremony, on which i refused to believe that i got rite award, i refused the idea of me getting that award, 'coz i know that i don't deserve it, i'm not asking for praise and rewards or pity here.

nothing in life goes anyone's way, not even billionnaires.

[/end rant]

well. i guess that's out of the system. there's still a lot to go.

and xin ying, i'll try to be less emo. :D

auf wiedersehen,
mariel

[edit 1 September 2008: I am not on anybody's side on this part. While my side seems similar to XY's side, I'm not entirely supporting hers, nor am I supporting Amanda's. Please understand that, like always, my loyalties are always stuck in the middle.

But that doesn't mean I'm neutral.

thnks. bye. those c3 idiots won't know what hit them. I said nothing! *whistles innocently*]