runnin in my head

today, i learnt many things.

the first: everything isn't always in my control.

when i was a kid, i wanted everything to be perfect. like on tv, where the main character is always well-liked any popular, and has good grades, and...well everything. which is why i took it very hard when i didn't get in the top 3 students when i was primary 4.

however, i just brushed this off soon after, after i made a fresh new start in primary 5, in a totally different school.

soon i moved to singapore, where i met many awesome people. i met may disappointments, but most of them i considered minor, because i knew that i can somehow change them for the better.

today, i tried to be in my best, trying to serve a fellow student. my intentions were good and sincere.

but like what murphy's law states "whatever bad that can possibly happen, will happen" (or something similar to that)

i tried my best, but i can't do anything about it.

the second: i picked the most awesome-est of friends, even though sometimes i rue them so.

i always had someone to be crazy with, and to be emo with.

i also had someone to complain to.

i also had someone who i used as a punching bag to my sarcasm, narcissism, and everything else due to my frustrations with the world. i apologize and thank you for that.

i also had someone who always reminded me i must always work hard and never be complacent in my work, 'cause even the underdog can beat the people at the top.

i have friends who would fight for me if i got offended, even though i know (or at least, i think so) i can fend for myself.

i have friends who taught me to broaden my horizons, to move out of my comfort zone.

i have friends who've encouraged me...albeit sometimes quite subtle.

they have taught me realism, that everything's rarely perfect.

some have taught me stuff about school, but most of them taught me stuff they never teach in school.

they were the answer to my prayer when i was a kid: to have an exciting, fun-filled life, although this wasn't really what i had in mind.

you guys brought a multitude of colours in my life (cheesy, i know)

most of all, they made me feel that i'm no insignificant dot.

thanks so much. :D

don't worry, i'm not dying. i just wanted to express my gratitude, which i should have done long ago.

a lot of things have been happening recently. sometimes i lose faith in myself, and scold myself for what went wrong.

but i reassure myself that it isn't my fault.

recently, i've also have my ups and downs...life's like that.

so far, i'm doing quite well. i finally got the hang of balancing school stuff and council, and housework and church. it's been fun. my parents know what i'm doing, and they've been great help in encouraging me and stuff.

i also realised i've been losing sleep the past few weeks. lol.

i got mid-years coming soon, haha. i'm worried.

i'll just go back to studying my notes why watching youtube videos. hahaha :D

-m

too much stuff

i just finished mugging for econs. so i has freedom to do whatever right now.

i'm lying. i'm not free from work yet.

i have a lot of things bugging me in the head, so pardon me if i shoot anyone. i'm really really sorry.

first of all: criticism.

would you call something overall lousy if someone put all his effort on it, but still failed to make something impressive?

would you call something awesome if he did not put his heart and soul in it, and did it insincerely, but yielded good results?

to make things clearer: if a soccer team was the slacker-type with the team members overly complacent, if they won, would they deserve more praise than the team which works hard, but still hit rock bottom?

criticism cannot be classified as immoral or moral, i'll give that person that. but a judge has a right to criticize as he knows how it's supposed to be done, as he has experience in this kind of stuff. i guess asking an inexperienced person to judge something is pretty much questionable.

another note: friends

how would you feel if you always are subtly outcasted just cause...?

i guess it's pretty much the language barrier for me. i am trying hard to learn chinesisch from my bro.

but this happens all the time. i guess i'll just try to tolerate it.

3rd thing: finances

i am trying hard to budget my allowance for the whole month. please don't ruin it by your extravagant spending and stuff. although spending it on study notes is fine.

ze fourth: my current attitude problem

ever since this year, i tried to change my image from introvert to extrovert.

i think it worked too well, i became too sarcastic.

ah well.

i'm sorry to those i have offended by my acts of narcissism and making fun of you.

just one last thing: cultural invasion

is japan and korea really trying to invade the world with their culture? (though i'm pretty sure korea's just trying to mimic japan, save for the koreanovelas, cause that was totally korea's)

is america too, in a way, influencing what we think?

i've gotta admit though:

>i like japanese anime (i find korean manga/anime a teensy bit irksome, the eyes are drawn huger than in japanese ones. srsly)

>i like csi, flashforward, and house, all of which were produced in usa.

>almost everyone has an iphone now (i'm not gonna buy one though, i'm not bothered until everyone really has one)

in conclusion: i'm an idiot.

-m

eat my dust

i miss doing this. seriously.

which is why i'm here now.

lolz.

bai now.

general apology.

while it may seem like i'm free now, i'm not. i'm sacrificing my project work time just to blog this...

*sighs* here we go.

i may seem aloof more often now that i'm here. that isn't the case. i may miss your call or won't reply to your sms. I'M SORRY. i just don't have enough time like i used to. i have loads of tutorials to do, and seriously, there's a test almost everyday, and since i'm in the council now, i just have more things to worry about. but that doesn't mean i'm abandoning my old friends or anything like it; i just really have to get adjusted to this kind of life.

i might also seem to be free 'coz i'm sometimes online on facebook, but that's something else entirely. i just leave my facebook online sometimes. :P

i'm also sorry since i didn't go to a single class outing. i'll try to sometime, but i don't expect that to come to reality soon, with me thinking "suicidal" because of all the workload i'm having (NO, not that suicidal...it's more like "i wanna go home sleep, fail if fail, luhs" kind of thing).

i really have lots of things in my mind, like meeting expectations, schoolwork, council stuff, and even church and home stuff. and i'm also thinking of getting a job sometime...but that's purely theoretical...or something like it. but you guys will still keep a place in my head. i don't forget those kind of stuff.

i wonder what you guys think of me now...being in jc and stuff. i guess you guys might be thinking how smart i am, and how much of a jerk i am for not coming to the outing. as i said, i haven't got the hang of balancing things yet...and i haven't gave on trying. but i guess i can understand if you guys feel that way.

you wanna know what i think?

forgive me for my ignorance, but i guess you guys have it better than me. you guys just had a long vacation, and so far your worries just have been emotional and a bit of financial...but i guess in the end we all will face similar stress...albeit slightly different.

i'm cutting of this post...and return sometime soon...probably next year. hum.

- :D

dimwitzzz

hallos.

while i am still being flooded by tutorials, i guess i'll be blogging this time.

so anyways, tried my hand at flash, with my bro's guidance of course.

and you know what? it ended up pretty awesome. besides the fact that it went too fast, but that's cause i had to squeeze it in in 30 sec.

so anyways. my class in jc is ok, but it will never be the same as good old 4e1. haha. i still am random...but now i keep it in a minimum level. and i am still a bit evil. hahahaha :P

my current clique is like...ok luhs. two of them are like mugger types, but i don't mind. it's better that way, or i'll be sending myself to doom again. the other two are like random also...hahaha :D

yeah, i know my sec sch clique was not the mugger type, but it's better that way. the other clique of girls are like....uhm, damn hyper like you cannot stand...or something like it. i wouldn't use the other word that starts with b and ends with o. hahaha :P

i really miss my sec schl clique. there's no one i can pick on and "compete" (michael) or anyone i can be random with (xy) or pick on the whole green tea thing (js) or that person to wait at the bus stop and then talk about wondergirls (amanda).

on an unrelated note, yes, i finally got my wish that i can walk to school. awesome, eh? too bad i can't go for lunch at home. :P

i guess i have changed this year. i am not that timid-type anymore, since i guess i learned that in sec schl...and i has a fringe and is wearing shorter skirt and short socks. ok, the last line doesn't really mean anything. honest.

so, anyone wanna disturb the school with me?

hmm?

i haven't posted in days. ahahaha. but neither is anyone else, but heck.

i'm at meridian jc. ain't it awesome?

i'm flooded with tutorials right now, and i still has a poster to design.

i'll post another time, k?

-baka.

bored

one word:

Halp.