100. Hurrah!

*party time* 100th post!

Yet, I must not go detected in the parent radar. They'll bomb me if I did. Lol.

Yeah, nothing interesting in the world of this idiot, unfortunately, except the news on the newspaper, and Manny Pacquiao's boxing match, which went against the prediction of them critics.

Yup, Manny won. Ain't it awesome? ^^

Man, Pacquiao's an awesome guy. A fellow countryman that I admire. I mean seriously, despite his fame and all that money he's getting (I heard he's got millions!)), he still is very humble. Seriously.

I salute you man.


Anyway.

While I'm struggling with the flood of homework, the study notes and the work I have to do because I'm a crazy fan, I still have time to do gaming.

I rarely go online on TwilightMapleStory as I rarely have time, besides, my parents went on crazy as to put restrictions on my Internet usage. How sad.

I never go play Audition due to the "couple-crazy" people there.

You know what I've been playing?

Ace Combat X on my brother's PSP.
It's an awesome game, in my opinion. Although I've crashed the plane many times, I think I'm doing well for a non-pilot wannabe (unlike my bro), doing half of the missions done.

Yes, Ace Combat X is a game where you fly a plane and shoot down the enemy planes. It's more epic than my bland descriptions, really.

-----------------------------------------
I had this weird dream last night. There was me, my bro, and some several people I can't put my hand on who they are.
So yeah, in my dream, I was an ace pilot (ironic from what you see what I wrote above), and I just came back from a not-so-intense dogfight. So I was having my vacation (with my bro), until I saw something in the sky...something like a spaceship.

And if you saw Independence Day (which is a movie), well, everything went like that movie.

Idiotic, eh?

Well, at least it wasn't weird like the dream I had last week (you seriously don't wanna hear it. It had toilet humor) and that dream of me being President of United States and then attending someone's wedding a few days after my Inauguration.

I should seriously cut my chocolate intake. I think that's what causing these dreams.

But I'd rather have weird dreams than none at all, lol.

Anyway, I'll find something interesting this week, I guess.

Sayonara.

99.

Fixed it, and now I can access the site. Whoopee!

Now I have to be even more careful. Though I'm still miserable on losing my access to the fanforum, well, I found other alternatives to keep my fandom alive, lol.

How? By scribbling, of course. :D


Anyways, I'm gonna get to the relinkings soon, as long as I won't get caught this time.



Lolfully yours,
Lyzz :P

98. Do you like pie?

lol. Watched a youtube video of Obama, and he likes pie.




Obama: "I like pie. You like pie too?"

...yes, I do. I like pie. Buko (Coconut) Pie. Lol.


I'm sorry for not replying to your tags and not relinking you. I am not able to do so at the moment as I am blocked access to my blog by my parents who know almost nothing about blogging. Blogging isn't all trash and stuff, lol. Seriously.

Anyway, I found a loophole to this whole thing, and I am attempting to do it. If it succeeds, well, you'll find out soon.

Yes, the last sentence sounds like I'm gonna hack something, but no, it doesn't involve such things. It's very simple, even my bro can do it.

Too bad the loophole can't apply to my access to the fanforum. Now I'm all miserable again. :(


Auf Wiedersehen,
Mariel (will be signing in a different name soon as part of the loophole plan)

Meh!

Hallo all!

TJC-Expose (with a thingy on top) Night:
It went well, I guess...but I was tired-out afterwards. Finale was funny, with Jing Shi tripping(or slipping?) at one part. And the choir performance? Well, some tripped during the second song (Xin Ying, you know who I am talking about! ^^)...and I was smiling like complete idiot, andI dunno if it was worth it.

There was some person I resented during the rehearsals...she was such a nag. She acts like she's one of the choir comittee, and she's such a killjoy. I bet she hates me so for being such a crazy person in choir. I mean, I have to be crazy in choir, or else I'll die of boredom! Seriously!

I hope she doesn't read this.....

...but now I'm too happy to be angry with anyone! ^^

Con3 retreat:
It was an awesome experience! ^^
Besides the Praise and Worship sessions, which was lots of fun and wasn't a waste of my energy, well, the other activities were nice. Especially the pray-over. I've never experience so much joy and peace in my entire life. ^^

I bet no one will understand this feeling. But He will. :D

Report book-stuffs:
Was pulled down by my AMath marks. Which means one thing: I have to work very hard.

There is this one conspiracy going on about the grading for a certain person in our class, who just came in in the second semester. She was able to have high grades just 'coz her grades in the first semester when she was in class 3a1 (which was pretty high, I bet) was combined with her grades in the second semester, wich means she gets nice-high grades, which is unfair for most of us who worked hard and were in the e-class since the start of the year!

...And still quite irked by the point that someone like me with no mother tongue can be beaten by a *ehem* just because they have high marks in mother tongue! If they have such high marks, why don't they go for higher mother tongue? It's not much competition for the people in their mother tongue class if they're so good at it already, they should be moving on to a higher level!

...and besides, having higher mother tongue gives good perks, according to my education-system research. They can give you a 2-point bonus in the 'O' levels...and I'm not kidding.

So, why should they stick having a medium level (no offence, ok?), when they can go for higher mother tongue?

Lol, I think I should go for a debate club when I go to a JC. And I mean 'if' I go to a JC. Lol!

Holiday Homework!:
>Biology - 25% done!
>AMath - 0% done
>EMath - 0% done

Miscellaneous stuff!:
Must think positive, no matter how bleak the future might be. LOL!

The not-so-obvious things make the biggest problems.


Sayonara!
Mariel

it's a double post!

96.

I still remember I have a lot to talk about. Meh.

My typing speed: about 40 words per minute. :D

My TwilightMS characters: LyzziAnne [Chief Bandit] - lvl82
Lyzzie125 [Ice/Lightning Wizard] - lvl 48

Mood: Obnoxious, Melancholic, Bored, Oblivious.

Thinking of: Continuing fanfic, do report on the LNS, making a dA, finish my OC, vacation.

Wants to write on: rants, politics, and a lot of other stuff.

WHY CAN'T I HAVE AN INTERESTING, EXCITING LIFE?

Signin' off,
Mariel

Events and other stuffs.

95th post...but I won't celebrate yet until it's a 100.



I still got lots to do.



TASKS(KSKSKSKS):

>very late b-day gift-art for amanda (2% done)

>also late b-day gift-art for michael (0% done)

>blogskin for moi (1% done)

>numbuh 2 fanfic (20% done, can be posted on fanfic.com already.)

>another knd fanfic (10% done)

>finish working on my knd character (50% done)

>work on the holiday homework (0% done)

>review, review, review! (????)



On to business.



I'm reporting in at school, on one of the school's pcs. They work darn slow, but it'll have to do. Besides, I still have modem-hunting to do at home.



Dang, the people here in the back are noisy. No wonder Anh moved her seat somewhere in the front.



I've heard noisier. Lol.



Yesterday we went to the Discovery Centre and Army museum. I tell you, the army museum is uber cool, dude. Seriously. You should check out their Object theatre...the show would've been even more awesome if the people there wouldn't be such noisy cowards.



Such idiots.



Random note:

RAWR:

Really

Annoying

Whiners

aRe idiots.





Ugh, how can the KND production team come up with such good acronyms?



XY has an online-shopping thingy, or whatever they call it. PLEASE CHECK IT OUT.



Koenigsberg = Kingsberg. My german never fails me, unless in an exam. ^^



My tagalog is better. Hah.



Youth Rally last Saturday was fun. It wasn't a waste of time and energy...Plus there was this cool priest from Philippines who came to had this very interesting talk...which I forgot what it is about.



...too bad One Way wasn't in their song list. *takes note that One Way is a must for all Praise and Worship sessions, until people are sick of hearing the song*





Huy is gonna top the class this year. And I have this weird gut feeling that my results is gonna be awful. And my gut feeling hasn't been wrong yet...or has it?



Meh, my intuition is weird.



I gotta go, otherwise I am gonna get caught.



Auf Wiedersehen,

Mariel (some say my name sounds german. how would i know where my parents derived my name from?)

private servers, blogskins and a whole lotta detective stories.

creative title, eh?

uhm...never mind if i said that.

1st and foremost, happy belated birthday to michael.

that adds up to my to do list:
>very late b-day gift-art for amanda
>also late b-day gift-art for michael
>blogskin for moi (put off a lot of times)
>numbuh 2 fanfic
>another knd fanfic (lol, lotsa fanfic to do..argh)
>finish working on my knd character, which is (still!) being edited on gimp...('coz I don't have photoshop)
>work on the holiday homework (which won't start until the holidays start)
>review, review, review!

2ndly, anyone can help me on making a web-design for the class website (see class web link for details)? it really needs refurbishing...seriously. only then i can publicly announce its presence in class.

probably you have noticed a whole lot of activities devoted to my knd fandom...can't help it, since now i have nothing else to alleviate my boredom. and besides, where else can i share my fandom to?

...............................
private server?
i'm currently downloading twilight-maplestory...a private server on maple global. why did i decide to come back on maple even though i swore that i wouldn't be involved with it again?
...because, my brother lured me bcak in. he told me he'd give me meso if i came back. so i did. but he only came in for one week...and like the first time i played maple, i got stuck on it again.
...oh why am i like this?

blogskins?
yup, i know michael and xin ying jumped on the blogskin-making bandwagon (lol!)...i decided to have a go at it again (even after my failed attempt a long time ago). it proved to be very hard work. perhaps i'll go over the basics of html first. then i'll head on to business.
...but for now, i'll hang on to my current blogskin. i like it purple-ness.

whole lotta detective stories?
...the first detective story i read was a sherlock holmes book, which i forgot the name of, which i borrowed from my cousin. i got hooked on it, and my hooked-ness was continued when i read the hound of the baskervilles, another sherlock holmes book given to me by my aunt. then i took a long break from detctive stories....a very long break.
...i went to the library at pasir ris. nothing but love stories, love stories, love stories...and not much of the other genres. i only managed to get hold of a detective story at the children's section (seems like they have more variety of genres, lol), which was half moon investigations, written by the same author who wrote artemis fowl (:D).
...and this inspired me on my numbuh 2 fanfic...and for the rest of the story, i guess only knd fans will understand. xD

..........................
i wasn't so satisfied with my exam results. i even doubt that it was my work, and i even doubt the marking system of it. except biology, of this i know how it goes.

i doubt i'll get into the top 3. with these results, i bet i won't be on stage next speech day. so much for girls beating boys.

*hits wall*

i guess i still have a bit of resentment for michael young, for beating me on a lot of things. i dunno, i just couldn't accept it. it's like amanda being upset being beaten in english. or me being beaten by someone like ashwin in biology (mid-year exams).

i don't understand things. where could i had gone wrong?

is everything i know wrong?

has the world turned against me?

has it turned upside down?

most importantly, am i where i am supposed to be?

random question: am i in the right dimesnion? xD

did things happen the way they do now just because of a phrase i uttered last semester: "i give up!"?

i guess things are just too complex for me.

.........................................
i gotta go. otherwise i'll get caught on my escapade today.

sayonara,
mariel

I am weird.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Who knew that some F1 race car drivers are so darn cute! (not crushing yet, though.) ...I guess it's the F1 fandom settling in.

...The guys I'm referring to are cute, in my opinion.

..But Nigel Uno (Numbuh 1 in Codename: Kids Next Door) is still cuter. Hah.

Anyway, on to business.

EXAM RA[n]TING (whee.)

English Paper 1 [Status: Done!]: Still thinking. It'll be a disaster.

Social Studies [Status: Done!]: My hand hurt throughout the paper. I missed a couple-a points, a sure recipe for my doom.

English Paper 2 [Status: Oncoming 03/10]: Still thinking of practicing compre, and getting some tips from my mom, after a stunning discovery last night.

EMath Paper 1&2 [Status: Oncoming 03/10 & 08/10]: Still, practice or prepare for doom.

Biology [Status: Oncoming 06/10]: Memorization work...killing...me...*faints*

Geography [Status: Oncoming 06/10]: Whyyyyyy does it always have to be the hard ones?

Amath Paper 1&2 [Status: Oncoming 07/10 & 09/10]: Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Go home and practice your work instead of reading this blog.

Chemistry [Status: Oncoming 08/10]: Chemistry! Mrs koh better have nothing difficult on this one.

Physics [Status: Oncoming 09/10]: Physics. Hammer your head time.


This idiot has not recovered from her F1 fandom, and never will.

Fandoms I'm in:
> Invader Zim fan
> Codename: Kids Next Door gihugic fan
> F1 racing fan
> Electric fan
> Ceiling fan
> Airconditioner

Ok. I have more fandoms that this, but those unlisted fandoms are just plain ridiculous.

Jobs I want to do:
> Astronaut
> Doctor
> Scientist
> President of some country!
> Activist?
> F1 driver
> Photographer
> Animator
> Cartoonist
> Writer (of a book)
> Journalist (their jobs are fun, I guess.)
> Scriptwriter (movie or a series)
> Erm...sniper? (lol. :D)

Uhm, today's list day, huh?

Never mind. *walks out*

Signin' off!
*salute*
Mariel

exam week. ah the misery.

Belated birthday greetings to Amanda. Was not able to sms you as my phone was "abandoned" the whole day...and besides the fact that I was being bossed around the whole day and was subjected to the biasness of my parents...you'll get the point eventually.

EXAM RA[n]TING (whee.)

English Paper 1 [Status: Done!]: I'm sure to flunk it. The fact that my situational writing was rushed (as usual) and that my section 1 compo was not well written out. The section one was kinda a "sequel" (How do i get to do these things, seriously?) of my compo at the Mid-year Exams. I don't think the marker will get around to this fact...I bet the readers reading now won't also. I'll type out my first and second compo papers when they get out, which I'll bet will be real soon.

Social Studies [Status: Pending]: Studying right now. Studied also last night (mostly a read-through) until the F1 telecast started (let the whole world know I'm an F1 fan. :D). Afterwards I read it again, and was bored until I slept. I woke up this morning with the book on the floor. Blah.

English Paper 2 [Status: Oncoming 03/10]: Compre is one of my weakest points. Yes, I know the definition of this word and that, and I understand the whole story, but I don't know how t express my thoughts into words. I'm a weird person, lol.

EMath Paper 1&2 [Status: Oncoming 03/10 & 08/10]: I'm gonna need a lot of practice on my Math, and I need to brush up on Properties of Circles. Prepare for lots of doom. :D

Biology [Status: Oncoming 06/10]: I guess the MCQs will be a breeze, but that is something I wouldn't be proud of (full marks on the MCQs). I have to study, study, study, memorize and a lot of other stuff. With the essays and the structured questions, I'm sure to be KO'd.

Geography [Status: Oncoming 06/10]: Ms Choo said the exam would be mainly on Food Geography, which is my weakest point. I wish it would've been Natural Vegetation or Development Indicators instead...I never get the easy ones...-_-"

Amath Paper 1&2 [Status: Oncoming 07/10 & 09/10]: Prepare for even more doom. I'm gonna need all the help I need for Partial Fractions and that Trigonometry thing. There are still a lot of things I don't and probably will never understand, like why the heck am I learning this.

Chemistry [Status: Oncoming 08/10]: The way I learn Chemistry is different from how other people teach me, so there. I better go practice that mole-thing.

Physics [Status: Oncoming 09/10]: I hope Mr Lew will make it a tad easy like last time. Light, Measurement, Molecular properties and other stuff, I'll guess I'll be OK, but it's just that speed thing I won't get to understand. I better ask my parents about this.

F1 Racing thoughts

AWWWWW CRUD. There were a lot of mishaps during the race, which were all crashes (kaboom!). In the end, Alonso won. Disappointed that neither Massa nor Raikonnen (sp?) won, but was satisfied that Hamilton at least got a third. Man, that guy was faaaaast. I seriously wish I could drive that fast, or be a racecar driver, for that matter. Girls can race too, don't ya know? It's just that some aren't so into it, most are only obsessed with other stuff.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

I wish my life is exciting, and wasn't so mundane. I mean, I'm not really sure what I want it my life right now, the only thing I'm sure of is that I want it to be interesting. No, I'm not wishing for something like having an exciting job like a rocket scientist (ok, maybe I do.)...I just want something out of this life that is, well, interesting.

'coz nothing in this life interests me. (A la "The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, which I recommend as a must-watch anime. Kyon is cuuute :D)


I'm bored. Not even sports or something creative will alleviate this boredom.


Signin' off,
Mariel (who is still bored at the moment)

i'm dangerous. *sinister smile*

beware: i'm crazy and kick very hard.

(posted for the fun of it. i'm suffering from boredom right now. raaaagh.)

let's post some photograph(s) for no apparent reason!

"big sister" is watching you. *insert evil laugh here*


i'm out of ideas.

signin' out
mariel :D

90th post!

90th post! hurrah!

nothing to say much today...except exams are coming!

to all my 3e1 peeps: here's something for ya!

From class stuff

From class stuff

...all can be found in my picasa page:

CLICK HERE!

...sayonara!
-mariel

[I'm not advertising anything! Really!]

bored.

(drew this one on mspaint, 'coz i was bored.)

i'm really bored.
it doesn't help either when school starts tomorrow.
grr.

hmm...i wonder.

i've never felt any more bored in my entire life.
oh the monotony.


oh yeah, i'm no talented artist. this style i'm drawing was borrowed from some guy in deviantart who have dang-awesome animating skills, and i'm currently trying out this style in my version. i still have to find other styles though.

i can't draw very well, i just like to scribble stuff when i'm bored.
for the exception of xin ying's birthday pic...and some project i've been working on.

gotta go. i still have work to do.

signin' off,
mariel

Whee!

First of all:
Happy Birthday Xin Ying!
I drew a picture (I drew it on 28 Aug...Only now was I bothered to do a bit on the lineart and colouring...I still say my drawing skills are pathetic on mouse, and I guess it might be worse if I had a tablet PC...waaaah.)

Oh well...at least I tried. :D

Onwards to other business.

I watched Wall·E on Sunday...I'd say it was a good movie...me liked it. I like how it's somehow subtle message that isn't "preachy" like those other pro-green stuff...
I like the cleaner robot..."M-O"...he's cute. :D

...I didn't go for choir yesterday. Elder sibling business. Ha.

Will put more stuff soon. Let my phone load stuff into my PC first...And let me finish cooking my afternoon snack. :P

signin' off,
Mariel

erm. yeah.

The post that's supposedly here isn't here, 'coz this one's also rushed.

whatever. i'm not feeling emo like last time, but i'm still quite, miserable. perhaps i'm just homesick.

err, wait, i am.

tonight btss' choir is out on a concert, this includes me...but, i'm not the most important person on this affair.

i somehow hate some of the leaders on choir, the only thing they do is to take attendance and take out the choir scores. and nag, even though they do the same thing also. i know they're not perfect and stuff, but...heck, i'm just confused.

there is also one person i hate the most in choir. i don't really understand why she hates me or tries to avoid me and the target of her naggings and stuff...i've been nice to her, ok? i can't remember a single day i've shown my hatred to her...although last year, i've been ignoring most of the juniors but that doesn't make much of a difference. have i intimidated her? perhaps only when i leave school, i will know.

[warning: offensive stuff below]
i dunno what's been going on with amanda lately. she seems rather cold to me...except perhaps when we're on the same bus...i think she's been ignoring me and stuff unless she's got something to ask me on schoolwork, i dunno.
i don't even think i'm in her "circle of friends", but that fact doesn't faze me that much. the only thing i'm worried about is if she hates me for, i dunno, getting some marks higher than her, or if she goes too emo she might, i dunno, i don't want to talk about it.

marks are just marks, it doesn't define how awesome your personality is. there might be a couple of people who's smart, but their personality are just plain despicable, there are others who are not so smart, but they're awesome to be with.
even if you don't succeed in school, you can even succeed in other stuff. i've heard of several successful people who haven't even finished school, and they have lots of money, but that doesn't mean you give up on it entirely.
and while i might sort-of hate huy for getting higher marks than me, the hatred's not so serious, we're friends, although i make fun of him most of the time, lol. (soyabean milk!)

the world doesn't revolve on anyone. except perhaps God, 'coz well, he created the world. you might feel ignored on that certain moment, but you don't really know how's it like to be ignored most of the time! you're not like me who struggles to stay in the group, fearing to be isolated...yes, the whole world knows now, i fear being isolated.

you've never felt what i felt duing those past few months, especially on the first few months of this school year. you can even check my diary on it. your feelings are nothing compared to mine, whcih i have been keeping since, i dunno, i was young, just to keep the people i love happy.
you never felt the hatred, the anger i felt, when someone robbed my house in philippines of those hard-earned stuff...you never felt what it's like being bullied by people just 'coz you looked chinese and fat in a school where there were rarely international students who came it.
lastly, you never felt how much stress i've been facing, just to keep my parents (and relatives) proud of me...i fear being shamed of and failing everything i worked so hard for.

you dunno what it's like to be like me. you might think your life's a nightmare. you think you're life's awful. you think you're being treated as invisible. wait 'til you see life in my shoes.

social reject? i've been one since secondary school began, and had been trying hard to get me out of it.
you can't really blame me for not going to those parties though. as much as i want to go, i can't. i don't want to disobey my parents, 'coz i know it's wrong (and also disobeying the commandments)...it's like telling your parents straight in the face that you hate them, and although sometimes i just hate them telling me what to do and what not to do, i can't be here where i am without them, i wouldn't be the person who strives hard to not only make them proud, but to strive hard for my goal: to be a professional doctor. or a scientist, i haven't made up my mind yet.

you can't make everything your way. nothing in life is fair, not even the rite awards ceremony, on which i refused to believe that i got rite award, i refused the idea of me getting that award, 'coz i know that i don't deserve it, i'm not asking for praise and rewards or pity here.

nothing in life goes anyone's way, not even billionnaires.

[/end rant]

well. i guess that's out of the system. there's still a lot to go.

and xin ying, i'll try to be less emo. :D

auf wiedersehen,
mariel

[edit 1 September 2008: I am not on anybody's side on this part. While my side seems similar to XY's side, I'm not entirely supporting hers, nor am I supporting Amanda's. Please understand that, like always, my loyalties are always stuck in the middle.

But that doesn't mean I'm neutral.

thnks. bye. those c3 idiots won't know what hit them. I said nothing! *whistles innocently*]

>.> <.<

linked all the people for the tagboard, although i know some links haven't been updated yet.

beijing olympics' closing ceremony wasn't as awesome as the opening ceremony. you might say otherwise, i don't really care.

i guess they just rushed it through and paid more attention to the opening ceremony, i dunno. don't ask me, i am not one of the organizers.

i have a lot of work to do...
>finish a little sketch-thing for someone
>homework *faints*
>studyyyyyyy
>something for my desk...it seems so bare.
>err...most awesome class desk design competition?
>iron my uniform
>something, i forgot.

and i feel so stressed. i wonder how huy ever keeps up with the mess. i dunno, i think i am gonna die in this place by stress. i'm even guessing students face more stress than their parents. i dunno if it's fair, though, each has good sides to each story.

yesterday, in catechism class, there was this talk about the ten commandments, examining one's conscience (or something) and a bit about the beatitudes. afterwards we got scolding for causing a ruckus in the chapel...and amanda and i were late for warden duty due to a very long sermon about our attitude..then something about the upcoming youth rally, which lasts until around 10. i feel stressed by just this, but that's not my point.

i've been feeling self-hatred lately, and hints of...i dunno...*scrambles mind for word, but gives up*...something about giving up.
i dunno...i guess it's something about my marks and stuff. i haven't been paying much attention, and i see no motivation in school anymore.

heck, i don't really deserve that rite award. i'm more of an irresponsible, idiotic, loner...whatchamacallit. (this ain't my emo mood yet, i can go even more emo.)

i have no control over my emotions, i've let my temper out of control lately. i don't like how scary i look when i'm angry, how my eye twitches when i'm very furious and stuff...i don't like it...it makes me do things i'm not quite aware of and will try not to do if i'm pretty much in a good mood...plus my uncrontrollable mouth which starts saying vulgarities at random moments...it's more of a somehow-impulse-thingy...i dunno.

i guess i'm not ok. no, i'm not sick, but i just don't feel well.

*bonks head into wall*

they said self hatred is somehow killing my own spirit. i dunno anymore.

i need my crazy back. even though you've seen me crazy the past few days, that wasn't crazy-crazy, that was forced-crazy. just so you know.

even though craziness might mean me not thinking straight, 'coz all i've been thinking about is heading for another dead end.

anyway, ending this post.

oh yeah, expect another rant on people on my next post. things might just look a bit messy. so to clear my head, which is polluted with problems. *cough*

sayonara,
mariel -_-"

hello again, my little compy.

sorry to people who i haven't linked yet. i will link you, but now isn't the time. probably when i'm not rushing on a post.

i'm not supposed to be blogging, my parents object to the whole idea. it doesn't make anything better especially if your mother is someone who gets suspicious easily or your brother is such a suck-up, wanting to be parents' pet, wanting me to be in trouble sometimes...but he can be quite sweet most of the time. i guess that's just how youngest siblings behave, or is it just me?

oh yeah. my parents objecting to the whole blogging thing. they have this certain mindset that most bloggers are just immature fools who write nonsense. ok, i'll say some people actually do that.

but not all bloggers are immature idiots. and not all blogs are filled with sick stuff, and blogs aren't mostly owned by emos.

not all bloggers are like the ones you read in the newspaper who get jailed 'coz they wrote something...err, rude, or something.

i blog because i want to. i have rights, do i?

blogging is not wrong, as long as you use it the right way.

though i'm not sure if i am using it the right way. am i?

i dunno. i guess it's up to the reader to decide.

anyways...i still have a lot more to say, but i must be off!

adios, 'till the next post,
mariel (posting in the tagboards as !Lolzx~MarielAnnE...why such a ridiculous name? i dunno also.)

ehehehe...

you see the post below? yes, i just posted it minutes ago.

i was really angry. i couldn't scribble it in my "purple notebook" 'coz, it ran out of pages *sobs*.

but come to think of it, nothing good comes out when you tackle stuff in an angry way. should've taken stuff more calmly.

i am hoping not to do something like this one day. and hope never to hear another vulgarity to come from my bro's mouth.

what do they teach in schools nowadays?

oh yeah, one qn: if you were elected as president/prime minister/queen/*insert ruler title* of some country(choose from: china, singapore, usa, united kingdom), what changes will you do to that country?

...and that was one random question from the mind of...umm...*insert poster's name here*. hoping to see results soon.

see ya,
mariel.

oh yeah, something for people to kill the time: CLICK HERE!

hello.

before i start this post, i would like to say that whatever i express in this post are in my own opinions, it may be kinda on the extremes in one way...and this post may be out of the ordinary posts i make.

oh yeah, and on the beijing olympics, go team singapore and team philippines! i support you guys ^^

now on to the story.

you see, something happened in friday that made my temper flare up a bit. i mean my usual tempers would be like occasional rainshowers, but this one was a typhoon. when i got to the scolding part, i knew my eyes were twitching furiously. no, it doesn't mean i have stroke or whatever, my eyes always twitch on extreme emotions...except perhaps joy. yup.

i know you hate me. no need to keep it a secret. i know it by your actions. i know also of your hatred against some of the people i hang out with. how do i know this? i got my associates, lol.
...no, i'm not trying to say that you should be scared, or anything.

...and oh yeah, the feeling of hatred is mutual. i do hide it sometimes...and sometimes the hatred starts to disappear when you're more or less agreeable, but it all comes back when you complain this or that, or act like an immature idiot (more worse than me), or act like you're some ruler of the world or something, or act like a total snob. seriously. it's annoying, in a bad sense of way.

i know you hate me. i couldn't tell why. is it 'coz i get higher marks than you? it doesn't mean i'm smart...one person doesn't get high marks when he is just smart. being intelligent is wasted when you don't put in effort to keep improving yourself, really, i know, 'coz i learn from my past mistakes (and gets continually hammered in the head [not literally] 'coz of my parents.)...i know you have gotten high marks in your psle, but that doesn't mean you have to be so complacent.
and besides, that thing you do in amath class on you trying to drop amath...it's still in its approval stage, dimwit, it doesn't mean you have to stop learning amath entirely. and just 'coz you failed amath in mye in sec3 means the end of the world, it's only the beginning.

secondly, i know you got a lot of friends. i'm not envying you of that, neither of your so-called "popularity". but please, don't use them like they're your minions or something. or ask them to learn to hate someone like me just 'coz you hate me. and don't throw away your other friends like they're old toys. i know how it feels to be ignored, and i've kinda ignored others too in my trying to move out of my "comfort zone"...but seriously. ever since your best friend left, you moved to a new clique. what of you old friends who used to hang out with you? left in the dust. despicable, indeed.

and i know you told one new person in our class to stay away from people like, say, me and my friends? that's not very nice. really. i know we have been quite friendly to new peeps, i guess...i dunno what's going on with your head, really. insecure? that's not an acceptable excuse.

...and your obsession with this one dude in class, even if the guy doesn't like you? seriously. i even pity the guy involved.

plus your constant complaining. waaah, i have to survive every weekday in school hearing your constant complaining. you hate this teacher, this teacher's lousy, books too expensive, what next? ok, i might share the same views bout this teacher, but this teacher's assigned to us and we, the students, can't do anything about it. you don't always get what you want in real life. and who said life was fair?
teacher always absent? ok fine, she's absent most of the time, but instead of trying to learn something on your own while she's gone, what do you do? talk noisily with your gang like it's nobody's business. hello, consideration please? other people are trying to study here, plzthnx.
...but sometimes, i'm quite noisy when the teacher's gone. i know that and you know that. so i guess i'm gonna shut my mouth about this.
books and stuff too expensive? i heard in your country have cheap education, why don't you go back there? if you complain about the stuff here in school, why are you in singapore anyway? i know i hate the boredom here, but there are a couple of stuff that makes me wanna stay here...and its confidential.

...and yeah, bring an extra "sandwich" for emergencies. it's not that heavy, anyway.

....i know this will start a flame war. but i just wanna try to make my point here.
...but that doesn't mean i'm waging war. it's hard to explain everything, if only i was able to express stuff telepathically.

...i'd like a quiet time to myself, for now. i'm feeling quite sick today, and you won't like it if you mess with me on a "feeling-sick" day.

...so i don't want to see:
>flame messages on my tagboard
>your cronies flaming me on the tagboard
>you and/or your cronies flaming me via handphone
>you and/or your cronies ganging up on me in school.
>you and/or your cronies acting in some kind of way that's somehow offending
>and a lot of other stuff that could be a consequence of the stuff expressed in this post.

...and before people ask me whoever the person is that i'm talking about, well, let's talk about it in a more private space, ok?

sincerely don't want to get in a word war,
mariel
[please grant me peace, thank you.]

yo.

heh. i decided to post, since my blog is quite...quiet.

it needs more ruckus.

i really need to have a schedule. i can't go on having to forget this and that...and lose track of this...i'm sick of being scolded. i really am.

i think i'm being deaf with all these yapping, shouting and all this crud. especially if it's the same people every time nagging until you die of...well...nagging boredom.

i am so bored, you know that?

oh ya, look at my very cluttered desk. awesome, no?

but it's supposed to be neat and tidy, like this:


ahh...the sweet mystery of life. ^^


oh yes, dun mind the border on the background of the two pix...it was already there when i went here...never bothered to change it.

now to resume my project-making.

-mariel

thoughts from a forgotten kid

"complacency is for idiots.
don't be an idiot." -meh, i just thought of it.

"don't panic" - hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy

you know what? it seemed like the whole world forgot me altogether. like i was in an alternate universe (parallel dimension? i've only been reading on the first few partls of "mostly harmless" by douglas adams [yes, that guy who wrote hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy.], and i'm already hooked.) where i didn't exist.

of course, since no one would probably read this anyway, i'd probably should post something offending for a change, hmm?
...unfortunately, that's against my conscience. crazy people have consciences too.

so. onward to business. i have an itinerary to do. i'd be doomed if i didn't finish this.

i couldn't say i'm sick of being a loner, 'coz i'm not sick of it,
nor do i like it.
i couldn't say i want your attention, 'coz i don't want too much attention,
but that doesn't mean you should probably leave me alone.
i might not stick to your ideals,
and you on mine...
but there's no such thing as a perfect match,
as to have everything the same
or to have everything different...
i hope you'd understand,
'coz i might not understand you and the way you act, think or do
and i know you might not understand why i do this and that.
'coz we have our own different directions in life,
i don't know where your's or mine leads
but as a friend, i'll try to help, to see it in your way
but i might not be much help
'coz, hey, i'm a human too, i'm not perfect,
and neither are you.
and as much as i have no right to judge you and govern you
you don't control me, i don't control you
but what i'm really trying to say is...

i cut it to here...yes, i did write this on my own...just typed stuff randomly [that's my style of blogging]...and voila! instant poem. xD
...but it's on your own how to end this thingymajig, it's yours to decide what i'm trying to tell you.
anyway, it wouldn't be much purpose as nobody ever comes to this blog [i feel so discouraged *sob*]...but i do not seek popularity. it is something i couldn't handle.

...but anyway.

see ya on the flip side, whatever that means,
mariel

STATUS
mood: melancholic.
wants: pie
:P

BLAH.

busy doing work...

i want go sleep.

today is so boring. no michael young to make fun of teachers and stuff...or to irritate.

blah.

signin' off,

mariel

blog three-point-oh up and a-going.

testing, testing...

yes i changed blogskin...for the fun of it.

...and it's purple.

bye!

-mariel

idiots come from space...

hello.

i'm not gonna blog as often as before.

i can't access the internet that often like before.

...so how did i get here? simple: school computer.

but i'm not gonna exploit this privilege. not in a million years.

...ok, maybe i am exploiting it. you got me guilty as charged. whatever.

s'okay.

we got that clear, right?

i won't be blogging that often. got it?

...but, please. it doesn't mean you have to desert my tagboard. i don't want my tagboard to be a waste of bandwidth.

but this doesn't mean you can spam it.

gotta go, i've got a project to do.

sayonara,
mariel :P

random survey, foo'!

QUIZ!
A) people who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
B) tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. these people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by.continue this game by sending it to other people. (ok, i got it! >.<)

#1 if your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
>get on with life and act like nothing happened.

#2 if you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
>going to mars, then afterwards build a house there...away from civilisation!

#3 if there is a choice between boyfriend and friends,which will you choose?
>friends. 'coz...whatever.

#4 what kind of home do you think is suitable for living?
>no cockroaches and rodents and all those filth.

#5 what's your ideal lover like?
>smart, and respects me and likes me for who i am. period.

#6 which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
>isn't that like the question "which is better: to give or to receive?"?...i say both.

#7 How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
>i dunno.

#8 if the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
>wait, and get on with life while i'm on it.

#9 is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
>too much.

#10 is being tagged fun?
>i dunno. no reaction.

#11 how do you see yourself in ten years time?
>i don't see the future, thank you very much.

#12 who are currently the most important people to you?
>1st of all is God ^^...2nd goes to my family and friends.

#13 what kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
>i've been tagged by many, but i'm not so popular as you think!
...they're ok, i guess. xD...i mean, they're fun and all...

#14 would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?
>i dunno. and i don't care.

#15 what's the first thing you do every morning?
>get out of bed, duh.

#16 would you sacrifice your family time to enjoy with friends?
>even if i would dread it, nope.

#17 what is the thing that you cant bear to leave it aside?
>i dunno. i haven't thought of that. ask me 7 years later.

#18 what type of friends do you like?
>FUN, understanding, loyal, honest ones. ^^

#19 what type of friends do you dislike?
>BORING, demanding, unloyal, backstabbing, dishonest friends. rawr.


tagged by; amanda and joanna ^^
8 (un[?])lucky persons who are going to be tagged:
>XinYing
>JingShi
>Michael
>Esther
>Shane
>YOU
>YOU
>YOU (i ran out of ideas.)
^^

and so ends the survey.

this ends today?

[one day before camp...i don't wanna die of boredom yet...]

...but i've already died of failure. i'm such a failure. my mid-year exam results suck, and i hear people rejoice of my failure....not that i spy on people, i just sense it.

...yeah, i do suck. and i still have german to face the results with.

...but yes, i didn't fail any subject. seriously. but...

>my amath was a lucky pass (seriously!)

>my emath was...well, badder than usual. (but better than something i would get in sec1)

>my social studies was good, i got the highest, but i could have done it better. good thing i wrote a lengthy one at the mushroom question. :P

>my geography was...well, ok, but i really could have done it better. looking from now, i know the answers, but i just panic at the sight of the paper...and the pressure of exams. let's just hope my ca can pull me up out of this...erm...eh *loss of words to say*?

>...so: my combined humanities was a b3. got beaten up by *mumbles person's name*...grr.

>my chem was...i didn't expect it to turn up that way. i had a few careless mistakes here and there...yeah. i need to work on the density blah blah thingymajig. but there was this one part that puzzled me the most...

>my physics...i guess i could've studied on it a bit more...especially the acceleration part. then i could've gotten full marks on it *wink wink nudge nudge*

>combined science: erm. no comment.

>my bio was a disappointment. i marked my otas form wrong (d was a c...and i knew it! >.<)...my essay was sucky. more details?

>my english:
composition: didn't believe a cliche story can actually get me away with it. that composition pulled up my marks. thank my detective story loving cousins...and some of the flash animations i've watched and the flash animation story ideas i've been thinking of. my letter writing kinda sucked, though, 'coz i poured all my time on the free writing...i love writing stories.
oral:thank you, miss toh! ^^
comprehension: if it weren't for my summary i could've flunked it.

>german: ich weiß nicht...aber ich weiß, daß es ein Ausfall ist.(use a translator for this, plzthnx.)

...so in conclusion: it was worse than i thought.

i better get cracking if i don't want to have another failure.

...but i'll go for my holidays first. too much work is bad for you. ^^

...so.

>>HOLIDAY AJEN-DUH<<

1. get as much sleep as i can have (this won't be a problem)
2.train my grandchase+trickster online account.
3.finish storyline for comic series. yum.
4.start working on my comic project series,
5....and work on my sketching.
6.persuade parents to buy adobe flash and (by bro-mide's request) rct3.
7.learn html and css...
8....and soon make my own blogskin!
9.upload new music to my phone.
10.slim down.
11.go cycling.
12.ask parents to book bbq pit to bbq,duh. :P
13.ask parents if i can come to clique bbq party(?)
14.do holiday homework. NO CRAMMING AT THE LAST MINUTE.
15.work on my physics, chem and the two mathstuffs.

...that's a long list, but it's more fun than going to school (with the exception of the last two points.)

...i still have camp tomorrow, and i have to go for that digital video editing course. this video editing course is something i really need right now, since my parents give me the duty of editing videos when we are on an outing or going to an important event.

...i am waiting to get paid. :P

...gotta go pack my stuff. hoping to cross out most, if not, all of the things on my "holiday ajen-duh"

...and if possible, add more stuff to the list.

impending doom countdown: one night to go...goodbye my comfy bed, i'm gonna miss ya.

see ya!
-mariel

i'm soooooo sleepy.

"exams on my birthday. perfect."-me

yes, it was my birthday yesterday. everything was almost perfect, except for the fact that i have german test tomorrow. grr.

...even if there was still exams on my birthday, it was okay...
...even if some people forgot my birthday, it's okay...

...what i only need now is some sleep. i feel woozy after all those exams.
...and rain...i just want it to rain heavily.

okays, on to business. *stretches, yet eyes are still sleepy*

anyone know why i feel like i just took some medicine which makes me completely drowsy?
does anyone know something i don't? 'coz it's beginning to get weird around here.

i'll try to post back some other time when i'm not so sleepy.

*slacks off*

-mariel

and they say silence makes people crazy.

"new effective way to make people crazy: make them busy during exam week."-me. lol.

what the heck am i doing, blogging during exam week?
don't worry, it's labor (spelled without a u) day tomorrow. although i better get cracking on my biology notes.

*fictional bio notes tear into half* darn it.

...anyway, yesterday had this nyaa ceremony. i was very tired when i got home...but i still had to do my social studies notes. i slept at around 11...

...and i had the most awesome dream ever (in my humble opinion), lol. only to be interrupted by my alarm clock telling me to move my butt of the bed or i'll be late for school.
...but this dream gives me no reason why i have to post it here.

so anyways...
math paper 1 is a sure fail. i haven't finished it like i did when i was in sec 2...and well, it didn't put me in the good mood. especially when you see people happy about finishing their work, especially if they're the class geniuses (crab mentality)...

...pardon me for envying other people. i dunno how to explain why get envious on such things.
...on second thought, never mind.

then social studies. i worked my hand out...and it took me four pages (three pages actually, if you didn't count the big blank between question 1d and 2a.)...my hand still hurts.

...i don't get what i would use structured essays, logarithms, surds, gravitational laws and other stuff we learn at school for. i guess for other people they just learn it for the sake of finishing school.

i don't seem to care anyway.

gotta go, i got a bus 53 to catch.

see ya,
mariel

philosophically thinking.

"you only get to be a kid once"-a tv show...i won't tell the title.

philosophically-wise (or explanation-to-the-quote-above-wise):
(side note: please don't mind me differentiating adults and kids...i'm still struck at the middle, and i seriously don't think i qualify for "teenager level" yet, and i'm not qualified to be a kid or a tween either.)

i've given this quote much thought...it is true, we only get to be kids in around 30% in our lives...and we spend 10% of our lives being teenagers, and 70% being adults (i think so, just a thought, blah blah blah.)

...and remembering what i did when i was young, they were fun times...seriously.
and i still want to have that kind of fun.
that's why i try to be a kid at heart...but that doesn't equal to childishness or whatever. they're both different things.

..but have you realized that the way adults think and the way children think are almost the same? i mean, some might not noticed it...but after close observation, i found out that...
1.) adults would try anything to get something they want (e.g. latest handphone model) like the way how kids would try to get anything to make their parents buy their favorite toy (except in this case, they don't make their own money)
2.)adults still play the "blame game" like children would do ("it's all his fault!"...i confess i still do these kind of stuff)
...right now i can't think of anything else...but you do get my point, right?
...so it gives me this conclusion: no one is really "perfectly mature"

oh yeah, some people may have the qualities of a mature person, but not all of them.
...which means no one is perfect.
...but who cares? if the world is perfect, it would be a complete "bore-fest"...but too much of the imperfect stuff can be bad too...

okay, enough of this subject. i think it bores me to death.

past events-wise:
...so yeahs, the past few days i've been busy helping out in a war (and it doesn't involve real missiles, only words.) , only realizing that i dunno what the heck am i doing...and why the heck am i involved in this mess?

...and until today i still dunno the answers. *sighs*

yesterday, hamza called me...the conversation went sort of like this.
hamza: hi
me: hello
hamza: u got jess' number, right?
me: *scratches head* yes...*was gonna ask why, but was interrupted*
hamza: where did you get her number?
me:...from someone in school... *if you were where i was, you could see me smiling nervously, 'coz i was playing a game against my bro, and i didn't want to lose*
hamza: ok...
me:...so, how's school? *i know, lame question.*
hamza: it's ok...(you're boring me, man. are you sure the hamza i met at speech day?)
me:...ok.
hamza: ...ok, bye.
me: oh wait-
*line dead*

...i was gonna ask him why he asked that ("u got jess' number?"). i haven't been in touch with him for months, same for soham.
...but it is indeed weird. why would he ask a question like that?...is he hiding something?
...from the tone of his voice and his hesitation to have a small little chat, i think he is. *lol, i think i need a trenchcoat*
...but why?...that's something i might need to solve, if i'm in the mood.

...i told nikita about my little secret about the guy i liked last year (joanna probably knows this). (side note #2: why would i still keep it a secret if i had no interest in it anymore? me and my weird head.) she was like "what did you see in that guy anyway?", and i was like "i dunno..."
...after thinking it over and after that call from hamza (this doesn't imply that guy i liked was him) i thought, "what was in my head back then? what was i thinking? what did i see in that dude anyway?"

...and i thought how lucky i was that that relationship didn't continue. *phew*

ranting-wise:
*dangit, my pc hang up, and i've got no mood to rant 'coz it resetted my post, sorry for the lack of rant.*

exam-wise:
i hate it. i dread it. but it's still there, so i got nothing to do about it except to study, which is against my will (not really.)

random-thingy-wise:
blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. i hate u hamza, for putting down the phone on me. blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
don't worry guys, i still have my sanity.

agenda-wise:
1.) make notes (10% done)
2.) study for exams (10% done)
3.) finish drawing request by gao chao (0% done, i need inspiration like i have during chem class)
4.) watch my diet, lolz. (haha, no progress report here.)
5.) cut out blogging for a while.

so yahs, that's pretty much what i have to say.

see ya!
mariel

of raisins and other crap.

"life is like a movie with a catchy soundtrack" - me on my sms to joanna

i'll never look at raisins the same way again.
i think i need a brainwash. anyone got bleach? or that "cif"-thingy they use for cleaning our desks in school?

whatever.

in my point of view, i am being ignored. or is it me who wanted to be ignored?
*thinks*...naaaah, that was a long time ago.
....but this doesn't mean i'm seeking for attention. oh no, i'm not stooping to that low a level.
...but seriously, i am being ignored. since monday i've been treated like someone invisible around a bunch of people...and i dunno why. am i missing anything? timelapse? whu-?

meh. probably this might be my cue to leave. but to where? another school? another country? another clique?

another school?:...yes, i've been considering on changing schools, and i'm thinking...somewhere where the school fees are not so expensive...you know, government-aided schools(not government-owned school)?

if anyone objects, please tell it now or forever hold your tongue...or whatever...in simpler terms, tell me if you object to this idea or not, or regret not doing it sooner or later.

another country?: i've also thought of going back to ph and study there...but some factors made me think about it again...but i have a back-up plan: i think i'll study at my mother's province at mindanao rather than going back to laguna. yes, the place is pretty much rural, but that doesn't mean it's uncivilised. you get fresh air...and you only smell smoke there either when someone's smoking or when someone cooking bbq....and the stuff there is cheaper than the country's capital area.

...and i might like the idea of studying at the same school as my cousins.
...and i wanna speak tagalog in school again. it feels weird to speak english all of a sudden, and i feel left out when people speak in a language that i don't understand which a bunch of people. i can simply just walk away or keep silent and show a forced smile, 'coz what else can i do? i'm just a pushover. (which is something i hate)
...and besides, school is funner there.

...and yes, i know some guys are already wanting me to leave. i can hear your thoughts from here...

another clique?:...no idea.

...okays, enough of that subject.

(*rebuttal round*...amanda, i know the posts trace back to you, but this doesn't mean i hate you or anything...i hope i don't make a flamewar...i positively don't want to give you another burden...i just thought about those stuff you said...it was running in my head.)
...i've been reading the tagboard. and amanda did post some thought over there...i mean, i posted it one time, but reading over it again made me think of some stuff...

(direct quoting over here)
"been reading well for now im not growing backwards..": ...okays. *awkward silence*
"and seriously im honest i just don't like ure chindishness its getting to me and stuufff"
:...okays, but can you tell me in what way? and yes, i know i'm childish and stuff. someone in pri6 told me when i was in pri6...but a lot of things does not make an immature person...but i'd like to see how you reply to my question.
"im getting more chidlish well.. im not sure wad u mean by that and on that outcasting thing..": i think you know what i mean...but for this, i won't explain for the sake of keeping the peace.
"well half the time you are busy with ure other stuff at home etc. well its hard to get u out and have a chat..":...yes, but half the time when i'm not so busy, you're the one with other stuff going on...and well...said chat couldn't be done. and msn-ing it would be awkward, in my case...i'm sorry if i don't have time with you guys...i try to have some time to be free of any work...it seems like i haven't adjusted to sg's way of life...but, well, your life is your life and my life is my life, what else can i do but to keep quiet?
"well thats all im kinda spamming(: anyways forgive me(:": don't worry, spamming my tagboard is the least of my worries...and i forgive you on that.

...now onto the blog.

"I don't really agree with you on the childish part":that's okay, different people have different opinions.
"I'm sorry if i hurt you're feelings or something":don't worry, i forgive u...i've had a lot of people who've hurt me worse before.
"But you must also understand sometimes there are things i feel like talking about...":...ok.
"*next part about the teacher and the test thing*":perhaps i take too much stuff seriously?
"...and what's you people's problem with the les thing if you can't accept it i'm really disappointed in you":...alright, alright...i might not be open-minded on such stuff, being raised up in a kind of "conservative" family...i try to be a bit more open-minded...but different people have different beliefs, what's disturbing for me might not be disturbing for you. like my view of choir and your view of choir, for example...if you're disappointed with me on such things...*resigns with a sigh*...i actually wanted to view this with a diplomatic way, but my diplomatic side has scuttled away somewhere.
"last year you used to be closer to joanna than me...i was never that close to you": true. i can't object to that...but i did try to be close to you, but perhaps we had different interests? *truth hits ppl like a million-elephant stampede*
"i mean i like you, but its hard to say some things": i understand.
"i mean you are more elite than me in many ways. like studies": shucks. i'm not that smart...i'm not that elite...a thousand more people are waaaaaay smarter than me...which is kinda the reason i try to humble myself and try to be content with passing. i don't want to be so air-headed, and i try to accept the fact when someone gets higher than me...but i'll pass out a joke on that person afterwards. lolz.
"and i was never a good leader. i just though i was good but i found out that i am not that great after all": oh yes you were...and i guess after much thought you still are... a measure of a leader's greatness is not based on popularity...i mean, you were some of the people who keep choir from chaos...even though you got scolding from ms lee...and even though you did somewhat change this year...but this does not change my respect towards you. i've always regarded and respected you as a good leader...and well...*blank head**no words to say*

[change topic, quick!]
maybe at school i'm all crazy and stuff...but i'm completely a different person when i think and when i blog...i dunno why. it's like me having different voices for different situations, call it multiple-personality disorder if you will...i like being alone and in silence...some say people go insane in these situations...but weirdly, it seems like it's where a lot of people and noisiness that i seem to be crazy...i dunno why. perhaps it is in silence where i speak a lot of words, 'coz right now, my thoughts are flowing to the keyboard like water flowing to a waterfall...i guess silence speaks a lot of words.

in unrelated news, i think i got tb...i've been coughing so much lately, with the sore throat and all, i perhaps overworked myself the past few days...or perhaps it's just bronchitis or tonsillitis or something...i wouldn't know yet.

...anyway, this is becoming too long a post, will post back sometime.

see ya,

mariel :P

rawr

i haven't been sleeping well for the past few days...plus the tons of work sitting on my desk...plus going home late for speech day practice and german class...yeah. which could probably be the reason i was acting weird these past few days.

i'm sooo sleepy but i can't sleep...the pile of work is calling me...

there's been flamewars going on at the tagboards of xinying and joanna...go with caution.
at joanna's tagboard hamza's been fighting "himself" (or his so-called "impersonator"...i dunno if i believe that or not, i'm a skeptic)...hamza's been acting weird...i mean seriously...i never expected a "f-word" from him...got me shocked.

hamza, i know you broke up with jo...but just 'coz of studies you're gonna break up with her? couldn't you have not started the relationship instead to spare her the pain? be rational, man.

...and i still am a better liar than you, you effing retard. just to give you my payback.
...i mean, to be honest, i was the girl who used to like you but lost interest soonafter...i guess it was worth it to forget about you all this while...and i don't mind what other people will think of this secret i've been keeping since last year. 'coz hamza, i know you're just a sore loser.

...and i don't mind if you won't talk to me on speech day, i've already got a huge network of friends. it's only one little thing, i shouldn't make a big fuss about it like a big, spoiled brat...i'm serious.

..i used to think you're a nice guy and stuff...maybe i was wrong.
i won't mind if you flamewar'd at my blog...i don't care much about that.
and i don't mind if you sever the friendly ties between us.
...it's more likely i'd be the one who's gonna end you up in doomsday anyway. (pardona me for my weird thoughts, lack of sleep.)

zilchcakes.

okays, off with that thing.
onto xinyings blog. ya, there's this girl...i went to her blog...and it was full of maple.

*abrupt-noise-thingy*

....wait, since when was this my business?
i'm out on this topic. let's talk about something else instead.

speech day practice on tuesday...it was a drag. i'd rather have stayed with the prize winners...and why'd they had to cram the practices on last week and this week? it doesn't seem right.

...german test-wise: i dunno what my marks is...but it's bound to be a failure, whether i like it or not.

physics test-wise: dun wan to talk about it. scram.

...can i go sleep now? my sleepiness messed up my ranting-mojo.

see ya,

mariel (that bored person who doesn't know what the heck is she talking about)

darn it.

meh. the previous post is acting wonky and weird. i tried fixing it.

*gives up* -.-"

life is so unfair.

...but i don't wish for a utopia.
...and i don't want to be so egoistical.

2 posts in one day? 'coz as i said, the post below is acting weird. *rants*

see ya,

mariel *eating marshmallows, which tastes like air*

...life's a mess.

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit..tonight
-Breaking the habit - Linkin Park

i dunno, this song pretty much summarizes what i've been through this whole week. Don't ask me why.

i try to change in a positive way...but it's my own self that's been keeping me from changing.
...and i really don't know why i have been this way. i wasn't like this when i was sec 1...

yeah, i've been at amanda's blog, reading her blogpost...and i guess i've been busier these days. busy enough to forget to have time for myself, my friends, my family.
...sooner or later i might forget these people exist altogether...and i don't want that to happen.

and i don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. i don't want to be an elitist. i don't want to end up hating myself.
...and maybe i am the person outcasting myself.

...let me explain everything that happened that i think made me this way.

...i became immature after that "unforgettable event" happened. it was something that left me scarred emotionally and somehow mentally, even now it still gives me the jibblies. i mean, after that whole thing happened, i kinda cracked up. yeah, some my think of me having that post-traumatic stress disorder.
also, after that, i ended up insecure and started not trusting anyone.
...but this doesn't mean i'll blame it all after that event.

even before that day, i felt kinda abandoned, 'coz my parents directed their attention to brother instead of me...okay, it does sound kinda brat-like of me to do so, but i got used to the attention after all those 7 years. after that i started seeking attention from my other schoolmates...and it kinda stuck on me the impression that my parents will give me attention after getting high grades and stuff.
...well, i was wrong. even if i know it's was wrong, i still have the urge to have high grades just to have my parents i impressed. 'coz now i kinda had that the mindset that it was the only thing that impresses them.

...and perhaps i acted like an elitist nowadays. i dunno why. i know i hated elitists, i might end up hating myself.
...actually i hated myself already. i don't like the way i ended up right now. if i could wish for anything i'd wish that i was stupid instead of being smart so that i wouldn't be so arrogant and stuff...and i'd wish i could turn back time just to prevent all those bad things from happening.
...but what has passed, passed, and cannot be changed.
...but i can change the present, can't i?

...some people might think i'm all perfect, with a very happy family and stuff.
i am not perfect. i am not always happy. i cry. i lost a lot of people who were quite close to me.
...and besides, i'm fat.
maybe i was the person that i hated the most. not asraf, nor anybody else. i was kinda like, everything i hated.
...but this doesn't mean i'll go for self-mutilation. i don't like the whole idea of slashing myself, 'coz i'm scared of dying. that's why even though i've thought of killing myself a lot of times, i couldn't bring myself to it, 'coz i'm scared to die, 'coz i fear of ending up in...that horrible place we call "hell".

i lie a lot of times, but that doesn't mean that i did lie to my deutschlehrer as he accuses me i did (it was a complete misunderstanding. i was practically a blur most of the time when i'm in my german class, 'coz it's at wednesdays and fridays that i procrastinate the most)...i'm so sick of lying. i'm sick of everything. i'm sick of living a big lie. i'm sick of keeping up the image of a perfect person (everybody's fool - evanescence...it reminds me of that song)...i'm sick of the whole competition (class, whatever). i'm sick of people wanting me to be what they want me to be(why is my life a whole bunch of theme songs?!...btw, this sounds like perfect - simple plan)
i wanted to quit a lot of times. but there are some things that keep me going. unfortunately, i'm not sure what it is.

...at least now i know what amanda thinks of me...one down, a lot more to go before i die.

how many years to go before i die? 'coz i can't wait any longer. i'm not a very patient, no?
i wonder how many people will be at my funeral? i wonder what my funeral will be like? i wonder how will i die? i wonder who will do my eulogy? ...and i wonder if anyone will miss me? how many will forget me?
...will anyone care if i die?...will i die unnoticed?
...why am i asking about my death? *shudders*...this is so wrong.

yes, my life is a complete mess. i must go and fix it.

...so, notes to self:
1. be more open-minded
2. be less childish
3. stop living in the past
4. be less of an elitist
5. be less arrogant
6. try to have free time to spend with people who are close to me...so that i won't regret anything before i die.
7. cut out those empty promises.
8. try not to hurt anyone's feelings
9. learn to trust someone
10. be less over-protective
...and the list goes on...miles away.

...but this blogpost isn't my full story, yet. there are a lot more things that happened to me, i can't bring it up...i-i-i c-c-can't...*stutters*...it's just too horrible.

I'll face myself
To cross out what i’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what i’ve done
- What I've Done - Linkin Park

see ya,

mariel

(i hope this blogpost doesn't prove i'm emo...i try not to be one.)

dangit

dun have anything to say.

just want to make sure the blog ain't cobwebbed.

toodles and see ya,

mariel :P

of school, weird stuff and ranting.

i won't go into the old system again.

meh. this past few weeks has been rainy. i like the rain, but i don't like when it rains on the holidays and if i have guests on those days.

and i positively don't like going back to school on the holidays...and holiday homework.
who suggested going back to school on holidays and doing holiday homework?
you people are weird.

i don't have much to rant about though.

last saturday i went for the nus geography challenge with ms choo, a sec 2 girl named hannah (amanda, you know her?), a sec 2 guy named mervin, and 2 sec 4 girls whose names i couldn't remember. man, even if we wouldn't get in the top 30, we were one heck of a team. i mean, i had fun, although i was quite reluctant.

...but the questions were pure geography material. dang it...except for the second part of the prelims. it was when it started to get fun. ^^

...i didn't go for choir practice. why?
> 'coz i don't like the idea of going back to school on holidays. i am against the whole idea.
> i'm busy entertaining guests, who happens to be my relatives. can't i have quality time with my relatives? i know this isn't a valid reason for you choir leaders and teacher in charge, but, i think my family comes first before anything else 'coz i wouldn't be in school without them, wouldn't i? *rhetorical question*
> like i said, i'm a family-oriented person. i want to spend time with them while i can, and while they're still alive, 'coz i can't spend time with them when they're dead *touches wood*. yeah, i wouldn't much use to a dead person, wouldn't i? *another rhetorical question*

ok. so i didn't come to lenten vigil too. i wasn't able to come 'coz i wasn't feeling well, i was in jurong...and i didn't take an afternoon nap.

...why was i in jurong?...i was supposed to take something there, i can't recall what was it, and well, it so happens that...i forgot what happens next, i have a bad sense of memory...

ok. now to do what i was here for.

i'm gonna do what xin ying did, 'coz i can't keep in my feelings any longer.
...and i have to admit, i'm slightly emo xD (it doesn't show?...this proves i'm good at faking that i'm not. xP)

joanna: ....*sigh* do you really wanna know? if you don't want to get hurt, close this window.
i've got to admit.you can be quite annoying sometimes, i just don't dare say it. i don't mean to backstab and such, though...i'm still jealous that you were able to change to another school, and i'm quite annoyed about the reason why you changed school...but i don't mean to be selfish and stuff...which is probably the reason i let it go. i don't call much anymore, and sometimes when you call me, you always hear me like i'm in a hurry. times have changed, i don't have much time anymore, which leads my life into an imminent disaster. x.x
...and besides, i've learned the the school's reputation is nothing without its students. so, i'm trying to clear up the school's name on academics: by topping the school's o-levels with a whooping score...a score high enough to let me enter victoria junior college. i know it's impossible, but hey, flying was thought impossible until airplanes were introduced. ^^
...yeah, but it still something too much. :P
...but, this doesn't mean that i hate you. i still like you, 'coz you're still someone i can relate to...and you're someone that is too good to lose. may your relationship with hamza won't be a flop. ^^

amanda:...a lot has changed from the past three years, no?...i remember you saying that you are straight-forward person, so i'm gonna be straight-forward to you too.
you used to be that person who i can hang out with. i used to think of you as very cool and stuff, 'coz, well, i don't remember. i've always thought of you as a good leader before, but, as i've said, things have changed.
...you became more childish, no offense...it's as if you've grown backwards or something. you want things done your way, like that chemistry test mrs koh gave us recently, remember? i remember you saying that if you fail the test, you're gonna blame it on mrs koh. i know you were joking on that part, but what if people take it for granted? i say if the teacher is lousy, i'd do my own work instead, or you could go for tuition. ain't that a simple solution? you can't blame a teacher for teaching that way, 'coz that's her technique. if you don't like it, you could tell her about what you don't like about the way she/he teaches. it won't be solved unless someone does something, right?
...you have also become more selfish, and more of a spoiled brat. yes, you've told me last year that you are quite spoiled, and i told you that you weren't like that. maybe i was wrong. maybe i haven't seen your real side yet.
...you used to be...well...quite approachable. you used to be someone i could talk to...you used to be someone who goes in the same bus as me and talk about a lot of stuff. maybe i was too boring for you, i wouldn't mind...maybe i was too arrogant and cynical, or maybe i still am, i'm trying to improve on it...and you used to say vulgarities not so often. now it seems like vulgarities are part of your vocabulary, which is not a good image for a rite-awardee like you. can you please cut down on them? but this is merely a suggestion, i'm not forcing you to do anything, kapeesh?
...and ever since you went really serious about the whole "les" thing, you went really crazy, as in annoying-type crazy...you became even more sick-minded. you go emo when trina ignores you. i want the old amanda back, but i can't force people to do my bidding, can i?
(btw, i am being outcasted, and you don't need to apologize. it's too late, and i'm outcasting myself from the whole gang. i know the clique is falling apart, and, well, i think it's too late to fix it, not that i'm being a pessimist)

michael: i know you like corrinne (or however you spell it)...i don't like her that much, but don't let my thoughts get in the way of your feelings. if you really like her, then fine, as long as you're happy. if others don't like you being together, then heck care what they think. what matters most is what you feel...but, please do not forget your friends, 'coz corrinne isn't the only person in the world. and if she rejects you, don't mope around and go emo. respect her decision. she isn't the only girl in the world. probably now ain't the time for you to have a girlfriend, so don't rush. and besides, there are more girls in the world that you haven't met, and you can't be sure corrinne's the one for you...but that doesn't mean that you go date every single girl on the planet, 'coz that is extremely weird.
...btw, i like your decision to turn over a new leaf. i wanted to turn over a new leaf too, but my own self kept stopping me from doing so. but i am trying, though. ^^

xin ying: ...yes i did say things do change, and i'm not the only one seeing the changes.
...yes, you did become a bit weird, but not weird to the point of being crazy...you weren't so emo as before, and i like it. ^^
amanda did say once the you don't "click" anymore, that you were being annoying. but i don't think that you are annoying...seriously. i am not being biased, 'coz that would mean that i am lying, which i don't plan to do right now.
...a lot of things did change for the past three years that i have been here.

...to the whole lot that has been reading this: i have noticed that i've changed a lot too. i've made new friends this year, i have seen things from a different perspective, a lot has seiously changed. but that doesn't mean i like everything that has changed from my past personality. it seems like i have been more arrogant (i've said it before and i'll say it again)...i have been trying to humble myself. it's just me who's been stubborn.

...well.. i can't think of anything else to say. i'm not hiding any more stuff in the head.

man, ranting stuff is fun ^^

see ya,
mariel ^^

whatever.

deductive reasoning? yeah right, like i have that.

website completion status: 06.0% (really lazy, eh?)

lets' cut to the chase, shall we?

>>THE NOT SO DISTANT PAST<<

(dang, i've got to get organizer-thingys for this thing. i'm tired of typing.)

linggo: i got the case wrapped up. (what case? check the choir blog tagboard.)...i kinda know who the notorious tagger(s) is(are), although i might not be too sure on that. i won't tell who that person(s) is(are), 'coz i might get myself under embarrassment if i got it wrong. anyway, how did i know?

firstly, the way he tagged. he went on rambling about soccer and stuff and then i knew it was a guy. of course there are girls who like soccer, but i don't think they'd be awful enough to spam that tagboard full of nonsense.

secondly, the time span between his tags. it seems that said person has associates, by the style of his wording and insults, it surely can't be from the same person. or can it?

thirdly, i got a slight hint of who they were the next day. don't ask me why. 'coz i'm bad at explaining.

...but of course, i'm not a detective/sleuth. i told you, these are just guesses. these speculations might be wrong...i wouldn't know. besides, i feel that the tagger ain't willing to budge. i'll have to wait for this one.

lunes: did this crystallization practical for chem. i like chem practicals. they're awfully awesome. ^^ english remedial was, well, i dunno how to explain. but well, teacher said there was an improvement on our behavior. i don't see much difference.

martes: had a very difficult math homework...went to farmart with the old folks, and had fun with my job as "ambush photographer"...too bad i deleted some of my photos, besides the fact that some of them were blurry, but some were priceless in the sense of funny.

miyerkoles: well, mrs wee suggested that my english group should have made a longer storyline for our project, so we had to redo it. amath was quite a blur, i was busy thinking of my projects (more on that soon)...and did not concentrate on the lesson, but i was able to do some of the questions...just by looking at the examples. but the book still lacks examples. i'm gonna ask my parents to buy me that other amath book.

also, mdm wong thought of asraf as a very nice pupil. IT'S ALL BUT A FALSE FACADE. that guy's a complete idiot. he doesn't respect others, so why will i give him respect?
...and besides, he's a whinny spoiled brat.
....but that doesn't prove that i'm not either.

>>THE PRESENT TENSE<<

"c'mon. you ain't seen half of me yet."
(translation: c'mon. you haven't seen the other side of me yet.)

social studies debate was most fun. except asraf being a nuisance (soo damn typical. i must consider barging into the principal's office and tell her to expel asraf. if only i had the nerve to do so.), it was...well, nice. aside from the fact that our group's debate was an epic fail. xD

i'll be expecting another epic fail in my maths test. i'll bet 1 cent on that.

on the part of the take2 of the el project, well, i...can't describe it. there were a lot of errors here and there, but hey, we ain't perfect, and at least we didn't take the story from a website a long time ago and reuse it again. on this, you'd better ask anh, 'coz i told her about said topic. (asraf is still a nuisance, and he sucks, and has a mentality on a 1-year-old. i wonder why he's still in express. he failed science last year, as far as i know.)

i had the funnest bio lesson ever. for this ask xy, suhartini, sharmila, anh...we were laughing until my side ached. (crap)

>>FUTURE PROJECTS<<

>that...petition, if anyone is still in favour, please, tell me, or i'll cancel it.
>class website.
>learn to do animations out of flash, and then do some work.
>my alternative math workbook.
>homework, like usual.

>>THE LAST WORDS<<

meh. nothing here except...

"yum."

now my mind's blank. like empty space.

see ya,

mariel

(p.s.: can you believe this post's in technicolor? i mean, colorful? i'm bored, so i had to do so...and can you believe how many i times i've edited this post? that's how weird i am.)

dingdondangdong...dingdingdingdong

ouch. that's gonna hurt in the morning.

class website completion status: 6.0% (added one page. nothing much, though.)

i've got a lot to do, so don't expect a very long post.

first of all, x-country. was very glad to see joanna, although to me it seems weird that she cut her fringe...well, that's her decision anyway. the last time i had a fringe was last year. and it kept bugging me. >.<

well, we rode the same bus (21) home, i had to alight earlier, 'coz my stop's nearer (common sense.)...and we kinda stumbled on one topic while we waited for the bus...or so i remember. i dun dare say it here. my rep is at stake (steak, lolz.)...

now, what am i doing?
busy doing research work...for a debate. i'm wasting time here.
also browsing on deviantart, what else do i have to do?
oh yeah, class webbie. too bad i had to do all the work, 'coz i didn't ask for help. so now i'm asking: who knows css?

gotta go.

see ya,

mariel

...slinks away...

i'd rather be somewhere far away...so far that no one can hear me scream...'coz i wanna get out of here 'coz it only gives me more pain...

website completion status: still down at 05.0%. how lazy am i?

...for those who think i'm emo-ing again, well, probably i am. but usually it's on a temporary basis...it goes on and off without me even knowing it. *moves off to a dark corner*

...so i've heard that jo and hamza's relationship has been going well, even if joanna told me one time last year after she broke up with mich (it was more like 5 months after that incident) that she didn't wanna be associated with any boy whosoever...seems like times have changed. breaking resolutions are our trend already. how come i didn't hear of it?

...i must be out of my mind, mustn't i?

okay, enough of this, it's only making my day worse.

>>THE NOT SO DISTANT PAST<<

monday: meh. started on enzymes, which was so boring. took a nap at chem class without mrs koh noticing. how shameful, especially for someone who is a chem rep. perhaps i need to work on my attitude. and get some more sleep, 'coz i really need it...

tuesday: well, i was really feeling kinda sick that day...but i didn't care. i also was lucky enough to catch an early bus. ^^ the rest that happened on this day was nothing of importance, except amanda got sabotaged by mrs koh. l.o.l.s...also got to see esther in choir. long time no see, esther ^^...after choir there was this meeting-thingy for choir leaders. i didn't want to stand there in envy so i walked off. i don't wanna care anymore.

wednesday: well...found out almost everyone i knew got hooked, except for a few (which includes yours truly)...i mean, seriously...you might think it's silly of me to refuse to have a bf, but, as i always say, it ain't my time yet. although i'm not patient on a lot of things, i can be quite patient on this matter. i don't like rushing, especially for exams. it ain't worth it.

>>THE PRESENT TENSE<<

"darn. how could i be so dumb?"
yups. my head is really deteriorating at a fast rate.
my maths (a and e) are complete failures. my bio was also quite a disappointment, and my chem is also pretty much disheartening. for sure i'm gonna get beaten up in physics.
...and that's how i learnt that looks can indeed be deceiving in a hard way.

how now, brown cow?

...i don't think i can even make an a1.

it's my arrogance that made me like this. i shouldn't have been too overconfident.
...and it's all gonna change, hopefully.

*insert omitted text here*

>>FUTURE PROJECTS<<

...meh. not sure.
first of all, i'm gonna cut the slack like what i'm doing right now and hit the books. also, i'll try to get as much sleep as possible. i already look like a panda, and it could only get worse.
...also, i'm gonna try to finish the class site a.s.a.p. ...i'm pretty serious about it although it seems like no one ever takes me seriously. weird? naaaaaah.
...also, i'll try to convince myself to be more decisive, especially when i'm thinking of running for philippine president. *dang. did i just say that? lol, i did.* although it's only a thought, no one can be so sure about the future.

>>...THE LAST WORDS...<<

...before i bid you people adieu, i would like to say the following:
>that you no need to worry if i get hurt, 'coz i've let go anyway...so you can just go on with the relationship, 'coz i've let go of it by posting this. ^^

>that you can talk to the hand 'coz i just want to hear silence, thank you very much.

>that you can go move into the landfill, don't mind me, i'm just a bystander.

>...that i need to be alone when i'm emo-ing, so, please stay away by a 30-mile radius, or at least be far away as possible. i don't wanna rant, 'coz i know you won't like it either.

>that i absolutely don't mind being outcasted anymore. haven't i told that a thousand times? although it kinda hurts. v.v

>that i really wanna get out of this place (bigger scale please. i like my house, you know.). this place sucks.

..and now i must bid you guys a fond farewell. happy valentines day!

see ya,

mariel

(to readers: sorry for dumping this huge load of dump on you. i really need someone to confide to, an my diary's full. i need a new one...and i don't mean that i seek attention. i try not to. and the last words? try to guess if i'm referring to you. you might never know. *winks*)